Last night elevated into to something dangerous quickly!

I was looking forward to having a fun time last night and when you put it all together i did, but for some poor unfortunate souls, their night wasn't so good! It started with a little one on one beirut between me and dallas at 6:30. then contuniued throughout the night, once tyler got here, we went door to door recruiting people to come to my "PARTY" room (its obviously not a party if no one is in it) we found some people then walked back down to pick up polish. SOme more beirut was played (i am not sure who won but i don't think it matters) team 17 against team RaNDom. Chris Kurt and saeed joined us after a bit and it was nice everythignwas sane......untilllllll

Dallas came down from upsatirs in tears, those bitch girls just won't leave her alone. they were all yelling and teaming up with other people. Little old dallas can't take all these girls man, i can't i know that for sure. But she put up a pretty good fight. At one point i entered the "fight" for mer seconds then quickly retreated back into my room with Dallas' permission. You can't leave a girl alone without warning. So she ended up coming to me near the end of the night with a hurt eye because one of the bitchs punched her in the face. Now tell me if thats fair, them ganging up on her. Its only her, not a whole fuckin possy of bitch chicks. Thats why chicks suck cause there so gangster like that.

so anyway i get back to my room and tyler had taken my bed. he had to be moved so i put him on the floor. Sorry Tyler! then he moved over to the spare bed and bugged the crap out of polish. Oh ya and don't forget the goddamn pizza! that was a mess.

any way i got to sleep eventually and woke up at like 530 to take some tylenol. then slept for a bit got up and cleaned the place its now 7:17 and i am ready to go back to sleep

i think kellys bed will do, mine is taken again!

Melissa play that GUITAR your awesome

hill@ry

BYE BYE dolly.....laura we miss you, things are getting otu of hand

hill@ry

Mike playing with a microwave tray dish thing

hill@ry

TEAM "they kicked my ASSS"

hill@ry

This night was very orderly,until the drama hit

hill@ry

TYLER...thats all i have to say

hill@ry

I am on the edge of insanity

I finding it really hard right now to keep my head in one place! With not being able to get a job and the feeling of dangling, not sure what the next moves is gonna be, is totally messing with my head. Its hard to think straight when there are no guidelines. And I can tell you for sure I am not having a fun time with this, I am pretty much in limbo.

Its hurting me deeper then I thought it would. I am gonna give myself two more weeks then I don't think I can take anymore. I don't even know if im single or what! I don't want to be! I wanted it to be all that and more, but I don't like saying anything. Its scares people I think when your forced into something. When it comes on its own, its a better feeling. Not to mention right now my stomach is so not agreeing with me at all. That would be mostly my fault though.

This guy tonight was being so nice to me, we talked and he bought me a drink too (even after, in my drunkenness, told him not to buy me one) I don't like giving guys the wrong impression. But I am not sure what that is supposed to be.

I just can't wait till saturday, when I start moving my shit into my new house, ill be able to sit in my bedroom and not be disturbed. Privacy !!! oh wow. Then what, either tuesday or wednesday will be the party. Ill get nice and drunk for that. Hey and I can make an ass out of myself because its my fuckin house YEAAh!

Oh job where are you! Must this town hate me so much. Do they really think I don't need a job. Its like there is someone going around handing all possible opportunities a picture of me saying not to hire me because I am crazy. I may be just a little but I am good at what ever I do! I can focus well and multi task .....Did you hear that "I CAN MULTI TASK" fuck people do I have to get down on my handdsss ....ok maybe just my knees, but seriously GIVE ME A JOB!! i fuckin will scrape shit of the road if thats what you want! Oh no i am giving in ....i think im becoming desperate. i don't like being desperate in any part of my life and right now i think i am covering ever one just fine shitty fuck fuck .

ok i can understand if you don't know what i am talking about, i speak in my own type of language which only i and crazy people know. If your crazy and you understand ....please help me.

I went to yuk yuk's tonight, second time i have ever been and it was funny shit. i got called on by all three comedians. i thought it was actually funny i laughed so hard at some points i couldn't look at them. well i made an ass out of my self just by being drunk and keeping matt up when its obvious he needs sleep. I don't know why i always do retarded things, i should stop that. any idea that comes into my head i should just shake it off. ohhhh but im not like that i got to do what im thinking.

well ill go to bed now i am rambling (i have a slight feeling)

Its all over now ...partyyyy

So today was the final day

The Last DAY

Its over

for 2 weeks lol oh well
So there is gonna be a house warming party at my new place!

Address: 12 Foster street (its off calderwood, which is off portsmouth lol)

Its BYOB, and there will be a BBQ i think (not sure yet, but bring your own bbq shit)

There will also be beirut, and for any off you have not played before, you may wanna check out the Kingston beirut link on my site!

It will be fun, if anyone is gonna have problems getting home they are welcome to crash!!

just let me know when your all available i am on msn all the time so just send me an email or message me. I hope to see everyone. Its gonna be a blast

Why do you waste your time?

You had my heart
you didn't even know
but you thought about her
how great she "was" to have
she never felt what i feel

You left me all alone
i thought you wanted me
i thought you needed me .....but i was wrong

5 nights no sleep
your lonely inside, you want her
i don't understand why
she can't love you like i love you
she never will
but you still waste your time

You left me all alone
i thought you wanted me
i thought you needed me .....but i was wrong

i gave everything i had
you were perfect for me
but i guess i was wrong
.....I am always wrong

~hill

your ass is mine

selfish bitchs have no fight
their trashy and sluty
never ever think right
they just do the undoable shit
shit i know i could never do
im not like that

why do they always get the guy
the perfect one, the handsome one
why do they get all the love
and never give it back
its all on me, its so unfair

i wish she would go to hell
and never return
her memories would be lost for ever
relieving the damned of their eternal strife

i am not a bad person
i love like its the only thing you can do
but i have not yet been loved back
not like i love ...atleast

remember when im gone
when you leave me to dry
i don't fuck around
i don't cheat
i am not a bitch, i am just me!

Drunk Adventure # i forget

Jackie and I - We went on an adventure to the building next door to rez (we were drunk), did some fence climbing (Well i did fence climbing) and tryed to break into the building, but had no luck, jackie chickend out anyway LOL hahahahah jackie! it was fun though, we got really dirty too. My coat still has dirt all over it from crawling under the fence (ya i found out you could do that after i climbed over the first time and put some bruises on the inside of my leg) OUCH!

hill@ry

One Happy Family.......NOT...but kinda

This is My Family excluding my mom and dad. starting form the top left
Mike Ryan, Brian McDonald, Hillary Veneziale, Veronica Veneziale, Sabrina McDonald, Julian McDonald, Mr. Murphy and last but not least Greenlee McDonald.

hill@ry

Julian and Greenlee

I took this picture, i don't mean to brag or anything, but i think its a good picture. they are cute as bottons (i really am rethinking that phrase, are bottons cute?)! And i love 'em

hill@ry

This is for Jackie

Good news to me, i found out that i was not the most intoxicated person at the beirut party, thank god. Tyler i OWE you!

Yet another night of beirut + ME = trashed outta my mind

Yet another night of beirut! Might i add i got much more trashed lastnight then i did then any other night i have been playing. I downed more then half a 26er of vodka and beer the i earned by losing in about 3 hours time! I was drink pink lemonaid with it to so i think that just made it worse. So anyway i continued to embarece myself and many others with my comments and unsteddy walking. At one point i was in a fight with Matt's water cooler (i am really sorry for knocking it over by the way)

Then went frolicing in the park with Dash. Its scary in kingston, but i was brave and ran out into the dark face first. So after i became noticably drunk to everyone, Kori decided he better start making me drink water. Oh and by the way thank you very much Kori for taking care of my drunk ass. So i ended up in the bath room not even close to the end of the night. Oh big mistake, i am never drink that mix again (pink lemon-aid, sprite and watermelon vodka).

I remeber at one point during the night i was playing pictionary on a beer cup with Kori and my drawings were way beyond pathetic. I tried looking for the cup this morning, but some one probably saw it and tossed it immediately. (yes - it was that bad)

So i eventually passed out on Matt's bed. and i don't even think it was 12 o'clock yet. I am known for doing that though. Just when the party is getting started too.

My first experience with whisky, Paddy had me doing shots, then i went to the vodka after and i was passed out by 9:30pm. When i woke up the next morning i was feelin' not so good not to mention the fact that i had to clean up a little mess i made EWWWW.

I didn't want to have to say this but team 17's ass was wiped last night by team canada - I THINK - i am actually not sure, i just remember drink alot of "not my drinks". But we will returne once more when im not so drunk.

~ hill

whats with the fuckass's in Kingston?

Last night I was feelin pretty tired and non party like, so I had decided that I was not going to drink. I would save my liquor for tonight (BEIRUT). Little did I know that Jacks and Freamo had pretty much finished of the 26er of vodka on their own. I was surrounded by a bunch of drunks, but I wasn't caring. They were all being so loving and caring AWWWW. I love my friends. Jacks and Dallas were trying to get me to come out to nicks party by wrtting me little notes that were so funny and cute (drunk talk), but I knew what nicks house was like, I had been there several times before.

Its Basically the smallest basement you could imagine, with a tiny little kitchen and sofas every where. And because I knew there was going to be a lot of people there, it would be crowded and hot as hell. So opted not to go. I sat in my room watching Sin City again (GOD I LOVE THAT MOVIE) then on to Super Troopers, again (I LOVE THAT MOVIE TOO). At around 11:30 the girls had gotten back from NIck's, I was wondering, why so early? JAck's said there were to many people and it was hot as hell, oh what do you know, just as I predicted lol. And I saved my self from walking all the way there then all the way back (dodging exercise at all costs) So I ended up going to bed before 12:oo which was fine with me. I had been up till 3:30-4:00 that morning and was feeling really tired

DRivers in Kingston PISS ME OFF

MAn when JAck's, me and Freamo went to get liquor, we were pulling into the Bath Rd LCBO (you know the one thats hidden behind some restaurant or somethin) well as Jack's was pulling in this Audi in front of her was taking his sweet little time (more like forever) to pull in so I tells Jacks to honk, you know to let him know that there are a bunch of people waiting behind us as well as him. Well we didn't think much of it, so we get into the LCBO and we stop at this stand where a deal was presenting it self to me, Some Irish Liquor for a cheap price that I was willing to spend. I picked it up and said " I wonder if this would taste good?" from behind the man that we had honked at walked by and proceeded to say "I hope you choke on it" excuse me but there is no need for threats here. So I told him "you shouldn't be such an asshole". Well now he was enraged, he had this stupid little shopping cart and he was speeding along like a maniac. Well Jacks and me started heading toward the vodka area when he almost ran straight into us (on purpose) with his cart. Then he continued to say how his car was 5 times as expensive as JAck's "piece of shit" words from his mouth and he keeps trashing her car so JAck's says "what are you like 50 buddy? why don't you act your age?" It was funny cause then we booted it out of the store before he could get another word in. Some people are just jerks man. I have honked at several people in Kingston and NO ONE has reacted like that to me, and if they did I'd probably think they had rage problems because FUCK man noone can drive in Kingston and they know it lol.

~hill

Ok this is what i think has been going on for the last week! (i finally get it)

For the last week i have been a total wreck!

I have been doing some much studying lately, my brain can't take it anymore. To tell you the truth i have never been a person to study .....AT ALL! when i came here i thought maybe i could get by on a pretty face (you know im only kidding). But i have realized that i don't know everything so studying is necassary! YEs i said it, i study now. I never thought i would. but as a result of all the cramming for the last week i have retained nothing of what i wrote down on my exams. Well that doesn't really matter because im done that shit.

I have been faced with some kinda ify news (on several different occasions). I guess i am just trying to figure out how to deal with this kind of crap. I never used to be very independent but i see that living on your own kinda forces independence upon one's self. So of all the bad news i have been getting lately ....oh ya and not showing up to clinical yesterday Ouch! That was a quick save. My wrist was hurt at the most convientent time i must say....im not lieing i swear! I have been doing all right!

Last night i spent 3 hours in my car with christian, we talked about so much shit. He really made me see what kinda person i was and i think i have definetly changed alot since ive been here. I feel alot stronger, i have to deal with problems on my own now. Things don't piss me off as much anymore either, i feel like the world is out there for me to explore if i want, its not going anywhere. So i guess i should take my time.

I am deffinetly thinking that there needs to be more attendage to beirut. And now that i have finished 4 out of the 5 exams i can let go and just party my little heart out. A weight has been lifted from my ever so tired shoulders...now all i have to do is see what my accountability mark is! thats what its riding on. One stupid class,and if i don't pass i am going to be so pissed that i won't even have words to say what i feel. Man i passed pharm, and if i fail account that just shows how bad of a Professor heather is. She should have professor striped from her name!

Well i am sitting now wondering if i should get off my lazy ass and go and check the marks see if they are up and maybe write them down so i can tell my mom how smart i am. I have my speech planned out, And it sounds so good in my head i can't wait till she comes up here for my move in date, oh the sweetness!

ok ill be back in about 5min .......

back and no the marks are not posted yet but supposedly they should be by 3:00 o'clock. Guess where i am gonna be at 3? hehehe

well i am really tired, i should take a nap. Fuckin 3 days of freedom YESSSS

~hill says peace

I Don't Feel Like Me

So i just finished my 3rd exam, the last big one, the rest are gonna be easy(thankgod) my brain is now mush! Well i actually think i did ok on that exam, some of the answers came really quickly which is always a good sign.

Now i have to go to KGH and do some research, tomorrow is my last clinical day which is awesome. This year is finally coming to an end! I am think i should take a shower because i feel like grung. So i think ill go do that now.
its raining outside, rain is always welcome in my books! its romantic, it wakes my senses.

I checked my marks on my pharm exam ....it says i failed! What the fuck, well i think she might have messed up the marks. I am crossing my fingers.

I feel like just quiting everything and getting a full time job, take a year off or something and accumulate money.

I am feeling better now, i had a shower and something has switched in me. I don't feel like myself anymore. I am someone else or something.

I have realized.....

I am randomizing my thoughts on this site so don't be so confused. I just can't think perfectly straight right now its early and i think i am super screwed. I have an exam at 1:30 i have not slept yet and i have class at 9:ooam. I need a drink, to calm my frigin head! What the fuck i am doing anyway ..umm ill go now

I am a fool for love

I have this picture in my mind of a man, (i don't really know what he looks like) and he is my everything i ever wanted. I think when i date people i project that image on them. I don't know, call me a fool but Im all about love. Its the best feeling in the world.

I have troubles:

1. "FIRST LONG TERM"
he biked and ate - that was basically it, he liked me but i think only for the obvious. i wastes 1 year and 4 months on this asshole. And to end the relationship, i asked him what his priorities were (big mistake) #1 - Bike, what a burn that is on me. well needless to say we broke up and then he did more stupid shit and fucked up his life. Thats fine with me!

2. "Mister SMart"
he was very focused on school work, work and fixing things - not much for sex either (humm something should have tipped me off) i was with him for 2 years (well shy a month, non the less) i can say for sure that in our relationship, we never had nicknames for eachother, no late night phone calls, surprise visits, and no snuggling for fun. I was depribed of love, i was sad and i didn't even know. Because i though he was perfect for me. Although i can say that he did encourage me to do well in school.

Well there is alot about #2 i don't really wanna say i could go on for a year. i am kinda lost for words when it comes to him. i wonder why, maybe because i thought i was gonna marry him. i can't understand what i did wrong.

3. "Can i take you to a movie"
UUmm ya i met him ....well ahhh.. he installed our hard wood floor (lol) he was cute and nice and he seemed so intrested in me, how could i have not said yes. After the first date i should have realized he was no good for me, but hey im a fool. Our first date was HIm, me and his friend (ya you heard me... FRIEND) we didn't even go and see a movie! we ended up garage saleing around the wing ding. then to the mall, and finally back to his house. Friend STill there! we watched movies and he went up stairs and ate dinner, without me. ........humm. again WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG HERE.

so after that date there were more to come he would come to my house then i would go to his, eventually he gave up coming to my house and suckered me to come over all the time. He always seemed to use "being drunk" as an excuse not to come over.
One day i went to his house and he was working on a car, Now he told me to come over, it was not a surprise to him. He spent the whole time i was there, working on this car that was not even his. Um hello i am here to see you (not under a car).

well it eventully ended, we both knew it was coming. We said goodbye to each other (we knew it was the last time we were going to see eachother) and went our seperate ways.

4. "Hi, Im cute"
And he was! But again we all know the end of this story. I got screwed over again. I had specificly asked him if he liked me, and he told me he did. Then he changed his mind and everything was tossed out the window of his Toyota Corolla. we managed to stay friends!

5. "Dance with me"
I didn't even think about this guy as something really, we were dancing one night outside, he was singing the music (we were obviously drunk) and people started chanting "KISS HER" So he did. Another day he just came up and kissed me. We eventually were talking one night, i went over to his room stuff happend then he didn't talk to me for 5 months or something like that. I don't even know

This is were it just gets worse, you might want to close your eyes!

6. "ADHD"
A one night thing i hardly want to remember. Nothing like what your thinking! but i don't even know what i was thinking. I left the room because he wouldn't stop bugging me. and after that he spent the next few months trying to rub some other girl in my face. I didn't care about him but he wanted me to be pissed that he was with someone else. He would purposly talk about me when i was in the same room, just not beside him.

7. "Can I put my laundry in your room"
friday night, nothing going on. i was on the prowl and i had seen a cute guy down the other hall. He eventually came runnig down my hall and into my room. he seemed to have been in a water fight and was running for cover. He left his laundry in my room, so i thought for a while. When he came back i asked him if he wanted to see a movie or something. Afirmative! we watched fight club, things got out of control and bam! One more mistake, I think he is the one (ya right) we had a couple more nice nights, then he turned the switch and goodbye nice guy hello Fuck ass from hell. It was definetly a rage relationship. after that i didn't see him for a long while, then he would reel me back in for another round of mind games and spit me back out. This happened 2 more times to my recollection. I realized what he was doing (s l o w, i know) and then dropped it like it was hot (lol).

8. "Sexy Italian man"
Random, that explains him. we started off friends, but this quickly elevated into more. i though he was perfect for me. We had so much in common, and he listened to my crazy rambling.
#7 comes back in to get another booty call - shot him down finally (and it felt good!)
then he played the, i am still inlove with another girl and i will always love her no matter what card. SHHHHIITTTTTT. We still fooled around a bit then it just kinda ended when. He didn't want to hurt me, but it was to late that had alreay happened.

9. "i like the OC too"
I Met this guy at AJ's hanger, he danced with me all night, bought me beer and was so sweet. When i left the club that night he came and found me and kissed me goodbye. He came to visit me the next night, i was shocked. He loved the OC and he seemed to like me alot. He told me that when he saw me on the dance floor, he told all his friends that the was the girl he wanted to dance with of everyone there. Not much happened between me and him, but i heard afterward that he spread roomers that we had sex! what a jerk. And supposedly he had a girlfriend to, oh even better!

10. "in progress"
So far i am liking it, he made me dinner, and has been ever so sweet. I think he is just an all around awesome guy. And there is someting strange that is really attracting me to him. One problem as arisen but i don't know anymore, it will figure it self out i hope . Ex girlfriends are the most evil things in the world - who ever you are, why are you so cruel to him?



...................... don't leave me alone

So i am back for one last dash

I seem kinda addicted to this, i am really having fun actaully writting. I guess i haven't done it in a while. Man today after that exam i was so happy, i already feel the weight lifting. Its gonna be really nice to have a week and a bit off. i think intersession shouldn't be to bad, i really need to find a job though. Why won't anyone hier me. I think its my schedual god damn it why! I should have applied for a differnt program lol.

So anyway after i got back it was so nice out that i had to embrace the outdoors. Man its the closest thing to camping i have right now and that is really pathetic. I miss camping and the outdoors so much. I really wanna go on the honeymoon bay trip this year. I could see some really good times coming from it (drunkness). I would love to take along a couple buds too. I think this definetly calls for road trip. A 6 hour car trip and and outhouse's, i love it. Nature has got me at heart.

Man i so badly want to get a kayak, to bad i can't efford one at this moment, or i'd be on the lake faster then you could say "is that hill on the lake?". haha

Well anyway i went outside and studied for a bit of time but it wasn't working well, i lingured for like an hour and a half then came in, i think i got some greatly needed sun on my skin lol. I am feeling much happier now that its out for good. so after i was done in the sun i came back in here and started the long study process. booooo

i am having serious doubts about me being able to hold down a man, i think i am cursed. Oh if only i can be happy for once. I think there is potential though, i am not sure. I really want it to work i am just not sure what to do sometimes, i think if i call i am bugging the person, i don't know whats right to do.

oh well anyway i got to study some more

i just finished my first exam! only 4 more to go. got to go study for pharm now. That exam was a joke!

Exam Award of the Year :

Professional Accountability

For being the most fucked up exam ever written hahahaha

all thanks go to Heather Hamilton

just to let you know

Oh well so ya i was saying that i have this retarded exam in a couple of hours and its one of the most ridiculous ones ever. No matter how hard i study for it, i will not do well. The teacher i think hates me. She failed me on an essay i wrote, that was actually supposed to be a pass. She started taking marks off for no reason at all. Probably was bored or something and was like hummmm i wonder who i can destroy today! i will not be kicked out of the nursing program because of her. I will fight until i win! And that means she is going down soooo going down.

Ok its 2 weeks till i move into my nice shiny pretty house and its hard for me to not be happy about that. The only problem is that i have to live here for 2 more weeks. This place is a shit hole and when i say shit hole, it smells like one, it looks like one and it is run like one. I can't believe they can call this place a home for students, there is not even a stove to make food here. They charge you like over $2000 dollars to stay here and omit that it does not have a stove...and the reason why ...because the insurance would be to high for these tight wads oh man does this place fill me with rage or what. Oh ya and they make you pay $750 a semester for their shit fast food meal plan, which they over charge you for. The rules here are as retarded as they are so you can only have a microwave right! Well because their meal plan was not meant to support the student for the whole semester you will eventually run out of money and have to either buy food at restaurants or make it in the trusty microwave. Your not allowed hot plates or those grilly things that EVERYone has. So they have basically condemned you to hell, oh and get this their quiet hours are from 8pm to 8 am humm i sense a problem. I don't study at midnight its during the day, and as i type this i hear Tims stereo approaching loud. Oh what luck i have their should be full effect of quiet hours. NO noise please i trying to die here!

so anyway its a great day out side and i have to spend it in this shit ass room studying for redonkulous amounts of exams and what do i have to show for it! another month of intersession These COWS know nothing . i was not warned about intersession F*** them all if i were any older i would probably have a heart attack. why am i hear in the first place?

that brings me to my next point. On Saturday morning i woke up and i felt this horrible pain in my chest, my heart was pounding like a mile a minute and i was feeling like shit anyway cause i had been drink the previous night (wine) and my sleep was ...Well to say the least shitty. But i managed through the day and ended up drink that night again, you can't say no to Beirut. Vodka, more wine, Malibu rum and beer not a good combo but hey i was drunk i didn't know any better lol

So anyway back to work i go, yaaaa lets study , i wish studying was fun, then it wouldn't be such a shitty thing to do.

Well peace out all you hOmies (ya i get it, iam white ok)

GOD DAMN...I love Sunday

its sunday and i am not feeling to shabby anymore. I woke up this morning with a pounding headache and a really upset stomach to boot, it was like they were fighting over which one got to cause more pain, but eventually after like 8 glasses of water, some advil and several trips to the washroom it faded away. Last night was a blast i was so drunk!
Beirut is my new found friend!
It seems to get me trashed very well and might i add i am not horribly bad at it, just not good either. Go team 17! i drank to many different varieties if alcohol last night, it really messed with my head. Oh well and iam just happy that it is very sunny out, the bad news is i have to study all day! I had such a nice breakfast this morning well..shit i started think about food which is a horrible mistake, for none of the goodness lies in my fridge. ITS BARE
Well i better get crackin because, i have lots to do and its now 3:04 pm. time just flys by so fast when your not doing anything nessasary.

Hope your sunday is as good as mine!
don't forget to save the day