I finding it really hard right now to keep my head in one place! With not being able to get a job and the feeling of dangling, not sure what the next moves is gonna be, is totally messing with my head. Its hard to think straight when there are no guidelines. And I can tell you for sure I am not having a fun time with this, I am pretty much in limbo.
Its hurting me deeper then I thought it would. I am gonna give myself two more weeks then I don't think I can take anymore. I don't even know if im single or what! I don't want to be! I wanted it to be all that and more, but I don't like saying anything. Its scares people I think when your forced into something. When it comes on its own, its a better feeling. Not to mention right now my stomach is so not agreeing with me at all. That would be mostly my fault though.
This guy tonight was being so nice to me, we talked and he bought me a drink too (even after, in my drunkenness, told him not to buy me one) I don't like giving guys the wrong impression. But I am not sure what that is supposed to be.
I just can't wait till saturday, when I start moving my shit into my new house, ill be able to sit in my bedroom and not be disturbed. Privacy !!! oh wow. Then what, either tuesday or wednesday will be the party. Ill get nice and drunk for that. Hey and I can make an ass out of myself because its my fuckin house YEAAh!
Oh job where are you! Must this town hate me so much. Do they really think I don't need a job. Its like there is someone going around handing all possible opportunities a picture of me saying not to hire me because I am crazy. I may be just a little but I am good at what ever I do! I can focus well and multi task .....Did you hear that "I CAN MULTI TASK" fuck people do I have to get down on my handdsss ....ok maybe just my knees, but seriously GIVE ME A JOB!! i fuckin will scrape shit of the road if thats what you want! Oh no i am giving in ....i think im becoming desperate. i don't like being desperate in any part of my life and right now i think i am covering ever one just fine shitty fuck fuck .
ok i can understand if you don't know what i am talking about, i speak in my own type of language which only i and crazy people know. If your crazy and you understand ....please help me.
I went to yuk yuk's tonight, second time i have ever been and it was funny shit. i got called on by all three comedians. i thought it was actually funny i laughed so hard at some points i couldn't look at them. well i made an ass out of my self just by being drunk and keeping matt up when its obvious he needs sleep. I don't know why i always do retarded things, i should stop that. any idea that comes into my head i should just shake it off. ohhhh but im not like that i got to do what im thinking.
well ill go to bed now i am rambling (i have a slight feeling)
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