I wish I knew where I was so long ago

I ran to my usual swinging spot today, I ran in the rain. It was really cold, but for the first time ever this cold seemed to be comforting to me. I swung below all these pebbles and I had to fight the urge to fall face first into them, each round wet pebble resting against my arms and legs. I could feel my thoughts start to slow down and eventually come to a halt. I am stepping back from everything that is me, was me and will ever be me! I am nothing at the present moment, making no difference in anyone's lives. I will be one of those pebbles that moves back and forth beneath my feet, that feels no pain and has nothing to lose. I want to be the pebble sooo badly, sadly I will never be this one small pebble. I will continue to exist in this world of never ending hurt and pain.

Note to self: eat something

Anger has many ways of showing it self. I say what I feel at the present moment, which does not mean I will always feel this way. Maybe one day it will change, who knows. For now I am learning more about myself and how easy it is to get hurt.

On a more up-lifting note I got Metric's new CD Live It Out! I am enjoying it right now, good listening material. For all the rest of you the album won't be available till tomorrow HA!

"It's all just the idea of 'don't freak out.........Anything that happens to you is just your life getting lived. Sometimes it feels like we're afraid of events and action of any kind. But if you can get a little distance from it, it becomes an incredible adventure no matter how things turn out."

- Metric's Emily Haines (vocals/synths)



I have a test next Monday, that sounds like a lot of fun wooooow!

out for now!